The Suffocating Blanket Of Silence Around Periods
I can still remember the awful, heart-pounding walk to the local kirana Uncle to ask him for Stayfree or Whisper. Hoping against hope that I didn’t see anyone I knew and God forbid if the person I had a crush on was at the same shop. The mortification I felt every time the kirana Uncle shouted across the shop asking if I wanted large or extra large napkins. I would mumble something about normal sizes and hope that the earth would open up and swallow me whole.
I hated every minute of it. I hated the walk to the shop, I hated the walk back. That stupid black plastic bag with the stupid newspaper, as if I was carrying some kind of a bomb. Black plastic bags still have power over me and evoke feelings of shame and embarrassment. I thought I was the only girl who felt like this but I wasn’t. Every girl I have spoken to about this has been able to understand the shame and terror that greeted me as kid when I had to go buy those dratted sanitary napkins of all things.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]Every month I prayed and prayed that my periods would stop and that I would one day awaken to a period-less existence. [/inlinetweet] I prayed the world would end so I wouldn’t have to walk that walk of shame anymore. Classmates I knew prayed the same prayer, for similar reasons. They prayed for no periods because they didn’t want to sleep separately from everyone else, because Diwali was coming up and they wanted to take part in the puja, because their backs and legs ached and they couldn’t tell anyone about it. So many reasons and yet shame silenced us all.
As a somewhat mature, almost, thirty-year old woman now, I feel so bad for our younger selves. We were silent because we didn’t know that we could speak about this. Silence was all we knew. I feel so horrible to learn that in certain instances, nothing has changed. As illogical as it may seem, periods have always been a taboo. Many girls, even now, face restrictions and shame and silence, for one of the most natural process in our bodies. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]Where does this internalized shame and horror come from?[/inlinetweet]
It comes from the way we talk to each other about our periods. The way a room full of women, talking about their periods, goes silent as soon as a male friend, husband or a colleague walks in. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””] The near obsessive levels we go to keep ourselves leak-proof, mainly so nobody else comes to know we are bleeding.[/inlinetweet] I remember this one instance in school when I was fifteen years old. The mortification of having my period hadn’t subsided yet and the worst thing that could happen to a young adolescent girl, happened to me. I had an ‘accident’ and my nice white uniform had dark red stains on it. The thing that stays with me the most, even after all these years are the looks of disapproval on the faces of my teachers. Mind you, I was in an all-girls’ school. Atleast 10% of the student population, over the age of twelve, was probably bleeding on any given day. So a stain was certainly not the end of the world, as it was made out to be. And yet, my teachers were not empathetic or supportive or nonchalant – a stain is a stain, no big deal, instead, they were judgmental, horrid and very rude. I felt humiliated and horrified, all the while trying to be strong in the face of sniggers and admonishments.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]What I wish happened instead was, that the teacher would tell me that mistakes happen[/inlinetweet], that she would ask me to go and wash off the stains and treat it like it wasn’t a big deal. That would have left a strong impression on me and in that moment, sixty-four young girls would have gotten a sense of the normalcy of a period and everything associated with it.
Taking a deeper look at how we internalize and externalize our shame around menstruation and our bodies will give us a better idea of how our words, actions, beliefs and thoughts influence others around us. While we definitely need to talk the talk where normalizing periods are concerned, it is more important that we walk the talk too. Easier said than done, I know. Even now, I find it very embarrassing to talk to anyone other than my lady friends about the cramps and the bloating and the nausea. Calling up my bosses and explaining I have a stomach upset is no problem, but saying I have severe cramps is something I still don’t do.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]This is an all encompassing, suffocating blanket of shame and silence that must be torn asunder.[/inlinetweet] The embarrassment we women feel is real, but what is also real is that our silence strengthens the circle of ignorance and judgment, perpetuating the cycle of shame. And it’ll be young girls who face the brunt of this ignorance, who grow up, much like we did, with asinine ideas of their bodies and its functions.
Author: Trudy D’Souza.
Trudy is an avid blogger and staff writer for Gyanetone Blog. She loves animals, the internet and technology, in that order. She is a proud feminist and is passionate about animal rights, gender equality, gay rights and climate change.
Editor: Divya Rosaline
