How I Got Over My Fear Of The Devil’s Stain.
I remember my initial period days. Time used to stop, and so did my lifestyle, while my personality was curbed. I used to sleep erect and straight like a robot. The only fear I had was that of the ‘Devil’s Stain’ and the embarrassment it could bring along with it. This was especially true of our school trips which made me even more conscious – in fact I skipped sleeping during our trekking nights hoping that it would somehow make my bleeding reduce on the next day.
Surprisingly, I never stained. Not because I slept straight, but because the fear of staining was always on my mind. On the days when I used to menstruate, the ONLY thing on my mind was the fear of getting my clothes spotted. It was like an obsession, a phobia. Luckily, with the passing of years, my fear went amissing. I enjoyed my life; but I still hated my periods.
When you work in the social sector, life often introduces you to concealed and obscure experiences which rip you apart and agitate you.
It sure did when I met a young girl in the rural interiors of Rajasthan who simply would not use anything to stem the flow during her periods. She would just wash her private parts with water every five minutes. I was shocked and ended up crying seeing her suffering caused due to menstruation (she thought this was a ‘disease’ that she was cursed with). The girl said that wearing a panty was very uncomfortable and that it was not a part of her daily routine to do so. She was in deep mental discomfort and introduced me to other women who used dirty clothes and polythene bags during their menstruation. Well, hats off to their creativity! But polythene bags? They confessed the only problem they had with bags was that they made a lot of noise while walking which embarrassed them. The root problem however should not have been the noise of the polythene but their illiteracy.
That’s how my journey started. I explained the myths and realities of menstruation to them and introduced the idea of healthy and hygienic period management practices. I was happy that some females in the village completely understood that they were not actually going through some deadly disease and that they were perfectly normal.
After meeting them, I felt lucky. I figured that complaining over silly things had become our second nature but we have so much to be grateful for. We should accept the things we receive, in whichever way we’ve acquired them. These village girls who were using dirty cloths even till now slept peacefully every night during their menstruating days without the fear of getting linens stained because they had accepted this change. They knew that this was going to knock on their door every month so why crib about it? Of course some vital information was missing where they gave me a chance to fill up the gap and I did. They let me discuss the myths related to menstruation and how being hygienic was an essential part of the process. Now I don’t hate my periods as much.
I have accepted them. Of course they are still accompanied with a lot of physical pain and hormonal imbalances but I am not scared of them now. One pleasant aspect about menstruation is that it often fosters good relations with ones girlfriends. Every time I ask them, “Please check my skirt yaar. Sab thik hai na?” they start pulling my leg by saying “Oh my God! Your dress is gone!” and only I know how I survive those mini attacks with their jokes. Often, women grumble about their Premenstrual Syndromes (PMS) or their on-going periods, but now I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be absolutely and truly myself. This is the time I get pampered and get princess-like royal treatment from my family. The more the pain, the more the pampering I receive. They often run around me carrying hot water bottles, tea, medicines and what not. Family is everything, after all.
According to me, except for the actual pain of menstruating, there is an extra baggage of other unwanted pains which we are only carrying and experiencing in our psyches. It doesn’t actually exist. It’s our psyche which says that, “Oh! You are menstruating and so you are in pain. You are in deep pain. How will you be able to cope up?”
Don’t let it burden you. Divert your mind and do meaningful things which give you peace. Work sincerely, cook, meditate, laugh uncontrollably, or watch movies. Such practices and habits have worked effectively for me. After all, menstruation and its practices are not technical roadblocks which you are facing. Your Cleaning mode is officially now ON!
Author: Harmeet Kaur Dawar
Harmeet is the Co-Founder of ‘The Pink Foundation’ and has empowered many lives by making them economically independent. She likes to share unheard and silenced life stories of her new friends and loves reading fiction.
Editor: Divya Rosaline
