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They Wanted Me To Hide It But I Decided To Scream Periods!

Posted on Feb 3rd, 2016

by Soni Kaur

Mehla 1 ||

First Mehla:

Bhand Jameeyai Bhand Nimeeyai Bhand Mangan Veeao ||

From woman, one is born; within woman, one is conceived; to woman one is engaged and married.

Bhanddo Hovai Dosthi Bhando Chalai Raaho ||

With woman one is friends; through a woman, future generations come.

Bhand Mua Bhand Bhaaleeyai Bhand Hovai Bandhaan ||

When a woman dies, one seeks another; to a woman one is bound.

So Kyo Manda Aakheeyai Jith Jamai Raajaan ||

So why call her bad, from whom kings are born?

– Guru Nanak Dev Ji, Asa Di Vaar

I matter.

Throughout my life, I have received mixed responses from people when discussing periods. Some have been quite nurturing, while other encounters have felt rather hindering. So early on in my period years, I learnt to make excuses for not attending certain events, stating, “I’m sick…I have a fever…I just can’t!” In a way, I passively learned to either disapprove of my periods or make them my crutch…until I grew older and realized that I matter.

In reading Gurbaani, I have found my voice and ways to sharpen my critical thinking skills. The shabad above, by my first Guruji and advocate, begins to share my importance.

If the Gurujis, men living in India 300-600 years ago, felt it necessary to emphasize my importance and fight for my rights – through abolishing the parda (veil) and sati (burning widows during their husbands’ cremations) and appointing women as leaders – the least I can do to recognize these efforts is to carry myself about, as an equal in society.

But I do not want society to assume that I matter because I menstruate and can give birth to future generations.[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””] I am not a golden egg-laying goose.[/inlinetweet] I matter simply because I say that I do. I matter because I exist. And that should be reason enough.

I am brave.

In the 1700s, when the unwavering Mai Bhaagoji rode her horse and led 40 Singhs (40 Muktey) into battle, could she have been on her period?

Oftentimes, I’ve wondered how women managed to menstruate without today’s conveniences that I take for granted. And whatever happened to those who spoke out against patriarchal norms?

Bhando Hee Bhand Oopjai, Bhandai Baaj Na Koey ||

From woman, woman is born; without woman, there would be no one at all.

After experiencing society’s endless rejection, did women learn to alienate their own kind?

As someone who started menstruating at the age of ten, I developed the need for self-reliance early on. Understanding how to care of my then irregular periods took courage, patience, and flexibility.

It took resilience to crouch down in the middle-school hallway towards the nurse’s office. With my hands on my abdomen desperately trying to lessen the cramping, I fought the urge to pass out. While overcoming that hurdle (though still in pain)I politely asked if I could, “please borrow a pad,”knowing little of the obstacles that would follow. I now know it was courage; but, instead I recall feeling ashamed when the nurses giggled (I suppose, trying to lighten the mood) and replied, “you may take a pad but please don’t return it!” Years later, I wondered if the grammar lesson was an imperative then.

It took courage to wake up menstruating at the age of 11 in a summer camp full of women of all ages. I felt naïve and later embarrassed, when an older female counselor (I assume, trying to be helpful) covered the back of my kameez with my chunni without explaining why, as I walked down the corridor to prepare for the day.

It took faith to learn that my body would tell me when I’d menstruate, instead of a calendar. My period wouldn’t fall on the same day or week each month. Instead, my body would create clues. I, like many others, have lower back pain and get fevers a week before my cycle. I have dreams about menstruating days before my cycle, as if my body is preparing me. Had I chosen not to listen to my body, dreaming about my period would instead feel like nightmares. Had I chosen not to be accepting, my PMS symptoms would be annoyances. Had I allowed my many awkward period moments to swallow me, I would not be writing today.

I am brave for embracing my periods, despite these and other encounters I’ve had with people.

I am brave for discussing the implications PMS has had on the body and on human interaction.

I am brave for visiting places of worship and feeling just as pure as I do when I’m not menstruating.

I am brave for seeking others who question social norms.

[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I am brave for saying the word “period”.[/inlinetweet]

It is fitting, then,that I am writing about menstruation…and quite serendipitous that I am doing so while I’m on my cycle.

Disclaimer: Views expressed here are of the author alone and do not necessarily represent that of the brand.

Author: Soni Kaur