To or not to: Make A Big Deal About Periods

[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I had not actively acknowledged the presence of cramps because they are a part of life[/inlinetweet] – like the wind, the rains, the soil, the leaves…

When I could philosophize no more and I checked my phone after what seemed to be a lifetime, I realized that it had been at least three hours since I went to bed and that I was still wide awake with no sign of sleep whatsoever.

I’ll tell you what, I hate periods. They suck, they suck so badly! But why am I writing a blog post about it? A post that would be read by many, out of whom only a few would acknowledge that they read it while the rest would either be uncomfortable or criticize it. Oh, and guess what? Some would even find some perverse pleasure because I am referring to a natural process in the female body. Well, to each her/his own. I write this because it is now 4:08 in the morning and I haven’t had sleep thanks to my periods.

At times they bless my life with cramps, which – as I found out while growing up – is a part and parcel of being a woman and most women around me just deal with it quietly, without any complaints, and so I started trying to do the same. No complaints, just accept it.

But, I can’t.

It spoils my day – I think about it, I fail to ignore it, that aching which sustains through the day, gives me some relief in the evening, and suddenly returns at night to haunt me till dawn. I keep lying on the bed, I turn, form a ball out of myself, try funny positions to reduce the pain, completely stressing out and losing sleep. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]But guess what, I also need to be quiet about it, because I am a woman and I am down and I am supposed to hide this from the world[/inlinetweet]- if possible, in a newspaper or in a black polythene bag- go for a meeting when I am feeling dead, complete assignments because this cannot be an acceptable excuse and now with sanitary napkins that have wings and perfume, I should feel relaxed and energetic too. I don’t. I just feel angry. I shudder to think that I have the privilege of using sanitary napkins which incidentally could also be harmful to me – but what about the majority of those who don’t?

Today was even worse – [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I ornamented the bed sheet.[/inlinetweet] I could immediately sense that awful moment, which I always try so hard to avoid, which gets me paranoid if there is a sleepover when I am down, and yes it happened today. I rushed to the washroom to wash it immediately lest someone saw me do so. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]Oh the shame! How would I face my family?[/inlinetweet]
I cannot believe that I have to be so traumatized by something which is just so obvious. But I do. Every single time.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]When I was studying at school, I would be scared to death if I had to wear a white skirt on ‘those’ days.[/inlinetweet] I would keep checking, avoid sitting for long, or tie my sweater around my waist so that it covered the skirt from behind- double double protection, but from whom? Fellow females in a girls’ school. That was my level of ignorance and while the ignorance is now gone, the trauma still remains.

I remember having a ‘leakage’ at my uncle’s place once. It was the second time that I had had my periods and I did not realize what happened until I got up to leave with my cousin. [inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I heard a loud gasp from my relatives and saw shame reflected in the eyes of my loved ones.[/inlinetweet] The white sofa cover displayed a bright (or was it dark?) red spot. I thought I would die. I remember shivering with fear. My cousin brother tried to cheer me up with a video game but the damage was already done. Never again have I sat on anything with a light shade when I have been down – never again. Even today, when I try to dismiss the incident as trivial, I get reminded of that shame when I see a white bedsheet or sofa cover, even cushions, and I am asked to relax as always, but how can I just relax?

It took me years to first talk about that incident, which I ended up discussing with my friends and not my mother. I remember sitting on the park bench and revealing my most shameful memory to them, while they on their part, couldn’t believe that I had allowed this to bother me at all. I am so glad that I spoke to them though – because if today I lead a semi-normal existence during my menstruation, it is only thanks to that one conversation I had.

Well, it’s still dark outside, a beautiful night spoilt by pain and stress, but now I seem to be enjoying the sounds of the birds and the breeze. Maybe I could go for an early walk, and start a normal day, as if nothing happened, because, well, nothing actually did happen, right?

Author: Poornima says travel and observations acquaint her with the Existent Pluralities around us and she wishes to document them with the objectivity as well as subjectivity. She blogs here.

Editor: Divya Rosaline

Teaching about periods is crucial and we make it easy and fun!