First Period Memoir: War In Spring
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]My panties are all bruised and beaten up[/inlinetweet]
“There is blood all over my panties, Ma!”
I almost whispered yet screamed to my mother
But her reassuring smile calmed the panic in me.
I remember using an old used cloth
That was torn from an old kurta that I used to wear
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There was a war going on and my armor was a piece of
Cloth.
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I remember walking up the stairs to meet my friend
And telling her excitedly that I could now bleed,
that all women bleed, and that I’ve made it.
I remember my friend telling me that she didn’t
That maybe something was wrong with me
I was alone in this battle
And had to pick sides.
I remember crying because it was uncomfortable
I couldn’t run
I couldn’t play cricket.
I felt angry. I felt tricked.
It felt unfair.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I remember asking my Ma why it was important for me to suffer[/inlinetweet]
Maybe bleeding was a metaphor for suffering?
But why?Because I ate too many chocolates?
I remember it lasting for a few days
I’d often rush to the bathroom to check if my PJs were ruined
always feeling anxious.
I remember
It was the 15th of August
And I was still wearing my school uniform
There was this sweet wetness
from the first rains everywhere.
I remember almost scratching my labia out
Because I thought that I had cut myself open
And there was no way I could stop it or heal it
For it bled.
But mostly I remember that there was not much of a fuss
I wasn’t considered to be unholy
No one tried to lock me up.
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I was ready, they said.
[/inlinetweet]“For what?” I remember asking
To welcome the Spring, ofcourse.
Somehow I remember every detail.
The faint curve of my mother’s lips
The color of that cloth
The look on my friend’s face
The discomfort when my thighs rubbed and itched while I ran
Dampening my mother’s saree with my tears
The rain on ‘Independence’ Day that made me happy
The tissues scratching
Every detail etched in my memory, moving
like a slideshow of photographs on a big CinemaScope.
I now understand that I was always ready for the Springtime
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I am my own Spring[/inlinetweet]
Periods are not any confirmation or a validation for it
Perhaps they are a bit of consolation.
The pain will make me strong someday.
And the bleeding will make sense.
I got it the easier way I think. Some didn’t. Some are still trying
to understand why it is important.
Some are still exploring.
Some are lost.
Some are finding.
But there is no hidden meaning, a metaphor or a secret revelation to this.
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Look, it bleeds.
It kind of stinks.
And then it goes away.
The war, however,
Is still on.
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Amogha, studied Liberal Arts from Soka University of America . She strongly believes in human rights and hope to be a fierce catalyst in changing mindsets regarding human health all over the world. She believe in the power of writing, especially poetry.
Stuti is an animator and artist from MIT, Pune.
You can she her lovely work here.
Editor: Divya Rosaline
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